life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
