I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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