Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
