U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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