Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
