bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
