im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
