wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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