She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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