No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
