I want to have your abortion
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
