bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
