the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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