why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
