I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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