Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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