I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
