Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
