Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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