I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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