I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
