Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
