where am i from again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
