dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
