Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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