i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
