And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
