I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
