Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
