once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
