My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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