In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So squirting runs in the family.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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