so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
