Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
