I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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