Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
