who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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