I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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