Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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