Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
