dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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