Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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