did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
