Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
