Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
