Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
