i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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