I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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