I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
