Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Couch. On fire.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
