how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
