um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize