So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
