Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
