Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize