I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
