i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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