Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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