I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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