Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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