Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
