I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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