Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
