Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
