Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
