loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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