I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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