Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
