craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
