Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
