Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize