Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
