Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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