he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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