2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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